A Case For Marriage

What's the Difference?

The following video is a discussion between John Piper and Darrin Patrick on what the Bible teaches about manhood and womanhood. That is, what it means to be a man, and not a woman; and what it means to be a woman, and not a man. This is a very helpful short video and well worth the 15 minutes it will take to watch this.

Have We Over-Elevated the Family?

Have We Over-Elevated the Family? from Desiring God on Vimeo.

How Should Singleness Be Different For Christians?

"I say this...to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:35). This is what Paul wants unmarried men and women to be doing with their gift of singleness. He wants them to be undividedly devoted to the Lord. This is what a genuine Christian singleness looks like, it is a life undividedly devoted to loving and serving our Lord Jesus.

Yet there is a world of difference between this, and the growing emphasis on singleness in our culture. Singleness for a Christian is to be radically different to the breed of singleness that is rife in our culture. A few years back, John Piper was asked a couple of questions on how singleness ought to be different for Christians and what questions the single Christian needs to be asking themselves. Here is what he said:

How should singleness be different for Christians?

I don't think that a lot of the singleness that we see happening today is designed to increase devotedness to the Lord. That's what Paul said it should be. He said that the problem with marriage in crisis situations that he found himself in was that it would distract a person from full devotion to the Lord.

Well, when I look around at the kind of secular singleness we see today, that's the last thing on many singles' minds. "I'm keeping myself free from the entanglements of marriage in order that there might be a more radical focus on and devotion to Jesus Christ"—that kind of thinking is not what is dictating the change of statistics in our culture.

No, it's probably almost the reverse. Many people are afraid of commitments and relationships, and many people are eager to stretch their wings and do their own thing. And then maybe later, when they've traveled the world and done lots of things that satisfied them, then maybe they will lock in to somebody...maybe.

So there's a lot of the independence and a lot of desire to satisfy their own immediate desires, which has nothing to do with what Paul was talking about, namely, increased devotion to the Lord.

How would you challenge a Christian who has these selfish desires?

I would say that singleness is a gift for as long as you have it. Some people God means to have it for a lifetime, and some people God means to have it for a season. But while you have it, consult the Scriptures to see how you can maximize the freedoms of singleness for the glory of Christ, because there are advantages to being married, and there are advantages to singleness when it comes to serving Jesus.

And I would just encourage Christian single people to ask, "For this chapter in my life, while I am single, what is it about my singleness that could make me especially fruitful for Christ?" And then I would encourage them to give themselves to that.

Two Ways to Waste Your Singleness| Part 2

In the first post in this series we examined one way to waste our singleness. This was to believe that life ends when you get married, because personal freedom has become our idol, and my singleness has become all about me living for me.

This is probably the most recognisable way that people waste their singleness. But I want to suggest that there is another equally singleness-wasting syndrome. Often in response to The 'Life Ends' Syndrome people will respond by swinging towards The 'Life Begins' Syndrome. In other words, in response to those who undervalue marriage, many swing the pendulum and overvalue marriage, thus undervaluing singleness. I want to argue that this is another way to waste our singleness, one which is just as much a waste as the first. However, I suspect that this syndrome is a lot harder to spot. It is probably a lot closer to home for many of us as Christians. It may well be something that we're more prone to and are unaware of.

The 'Life Begins' Syndrome
A second way to waste your singleness is to believe that life only really begins when you get married. The soil in which this mindset grows is a worldview that has a high view of God's gift of marriage. Therefore, people in this camp are extremely keen to pursue marriage, and often have a negative view of singleness. This is the mindset that plays 'the waiting game', seeing singleness as something merely to be endured while we wait for a husband or wife to come along.

This mindset can show itself in a number of ways. It can be seen in the ways that single people look at their singleness. They can find themselves becoming anxious that a marriage partner may never come along, terrified of the thought of being 'left on the shelf'. All their thoughts about, and planning for, the future can begin to revolve around 'when I get married', even though there may not be any potential spouse on the scene. They can begin to entertain thoughts that they have no part to play in serving in the church, or are not fully part of the church, until they get married. Therefore they drift more and more towards the fringes of church life.

This syndrome can also be seen in the ways that others, often married people, relate to those who are unmarried. Single people can find themselves stereotyped as immature and irresponsible, and are urged to 'grow up' and get married. Singles can be viewed suspiciously, thinking that there is something wrong with them if they have not married by the time they are in their thirties, perhaps supposing that they are homosexual, dysfunctional or just being ungodly.

The reason that we begin to think that life only really begins at marriage is because we are making marriage and family into our god. It has become our idol. Marriage has become an ultimate thing, something we need in order to truly have life.

When we worship marriage and family, the purpose of my life revolves around my marital status. This becomes the relationship that defines me, not my relationship with Christ. As a single person it will consume our future, all our energies will be used up in hunting for a marriage partner. It will also begin to distort the way we relate to others. We will stop relating to others as those made in the image of God, or as brothers and sisters in Christ. Instead we will begin to view them through the lens of whether they are a potential marriage partner or not, or as a means to finding a marriage partner.

This is a way to waste your singleness. It is a denial both of the purpose of marriage and of singleness. It denies God's purpose for marriage, making it something that it is not. It makes marriage an ultimate thing, which it is not. Marriage is a temporary relationship which points to an ultimate relationship. Marriage is only permanent until 'death us do part' (Romans 7:1-2). It is there to point us the eternal relationship between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:22-33)- this is the ultimate relationship. Marriage is also a temporary institution, in the new creation we will "neither marry nor be given in marriage" (Mark 12:25). This is because when Christ comes to consummate the relationship between Him and His church we will have the reality in all its fullness, so we will not need what points to it. When we say that life only really begins at marriage we are putting marriage in the place of what it points to, we have made it the ultimate relationship instead of our relationship with Jesus. This degrades Jesus' honour. It says that He is not sufficient, that He is not enough, that we need something besides Him to have fullness of blessing. It denies the truth of Ephesians 1:3 that fullness of life and blessing comes from Christ alone. If we are joined to Him by faith we have all we need, we have everything. This is the ultimate relationship - if we do not have Christ we have nothing, but if we do have Him we have everything.

The 'Life Begins' Syndrome also denies the fact that our singleness is a gift from God (1 Corinthians 7:7). Just as marriage is a gift from God, so also is singleness. Our position in life and our marital state is not an accident, behind it stands a God who is in control of all things. He has given us our singleness as a gift, and we ought to recieve it with thankfulness, seek to be content with it (1 Corinthians 7:17-24, Philippians 4:11), and use it for His glory and the good of others. If we think that singleness is merely something to be endured while we wait for marriage, we deny the goodness of God's gift.

God has given us our singleness for a purpose and we ought not to waste it. Paul is deeply concerned that the Corinthians give themselves in "undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:35) This, he says, is to be the priority, whether married or single. Our singleness is given to us so that we might be undividedly devoted to Jesus in the service of the gospel, not undividedly devoted to seeking a marriage partner. Our relationship with Jesus is our highest allegience, the work of His kingdom is to be our chief focus. In many ways, Paul says, it is easier to live in undivided devotion to Jesus as a single person (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Not that a married person cannot be undividedly devoted to Jesus or that they have somehow settled for a spiritual second best (Paul is quite clear that it is a perfectly godly thing to get married, in verse 36 he says that "it is no sin" to get married). Rather, what Paul is saying is that life gets a lot more complicated with marriage, our "interests are divided" (verse 34) because we now have spouse and children to care for (and rightly so). Undivided devotion is easier for the single man or woman, because they do not have the pressures that a married person who is genuinely serious about being a godly husband or wife will have.

Therefore, we are to see our singleness as a privelege. God has given it to us as a gift,and we are to use it to serve Him in undivided devotion. This means that we are to rejoice in the freedoms that come with being unmarried, and use those freedoms for the glory of God and the service of others. We have more time to give ourselves to prayer and dilligent study of the Bible, than a mother of three young children will have. Don't waste that freedom. We have more time to give to serving in the church, whether it be teaching in the youth group or leading a Bible study or doing the important jobs behind the scenes. We are more flexible with our time and so can more easily drop everything to go and care for that Christian brother or sister in need. We are more mobile, so we can more easily give ourselves to missionary service (whether short or long term). Don't waste your singleness by playing the waiting game, get on with serving Jesus now, in the context you find yourself in. He has given it to us for a reason, and we are to glorify Him in whatever situation you find yourself.

The only waiting game we are to play with our singleness is to wait for our real wedding day, that day when Jesus shall return to take His bride, the church, to be with Him forever. Whilst we wait, we are not to mess around playing games with our singleness, rather we are to give ourselves to faithful undivided service to the one who has "loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25)




Previous Posts in this Series:

• Two Ways to Waste Your Singleness| Part 1

Two Ways To Waste Your Singleness| Part 1

As a single man it is very interesting the responses people make when they hear that I am not married. These responses largely fall into two groups. Some people (usually non-Christians) respond by saying something like, "It's nice that you're not tied down by a wife and children." Others (usually Christians), however, say something to the effect that "Have you thought about settling down and finding a wife and children?". These kinds of statements remind me a little of icebergs - there is a lot more to them than meets the eye, so watch out that they don't shipwreck you!

These two groups of statements reveal two ways of thinking about singleness, both of which, when lived out, are two ways to waste your singleness. Over a couple of posts I want to explore these two singleness-wasting opportunities, and how we can avoid them. In this post I shall look at the first way of thinking and living out our singleness, which I have called The 'Life Ends' Syndrome. In the second post I shall think about The 'Life Begins' Syndrome.

The 'Life Ends' Syndrome
One way to waste your singleness is to believe that life ends if you get married. This mindset grows up out of a worldview that has a low view of God's gift of marriage. Therefore, people in this camp are reluctant to pursue marriage. This is the mindset that sees the groom and his friends 'celebrate his last days of freedom' before the 'slavery' of marriage comes. At its most extreme this mindset produces men and women who are hostile to marriage, convinced that they will never 'be tied down' by getting married, and feel sorry for those who are married. However, we are much more likely to see it in people who simply put off marriage for the moment as something that will come later after they have 'experienced life'.

The reason that we begin to believe that life ends when we get married is that we are making an idol out of our personal freedom. This is revealed in setiments like: "I want to enjoy and experience life now while I have the chance." Which, when translated, says: "The only way I can make the most of life is by living how I want, with no regard to others, and no-one restricting me from doing what I want to do." This can be lived out in a number of ways: for some it will mean doing what I want by ensuring that I'm at every party or social event; for others it will mean spending lots on exotic trips all around the world to 'experience the world'; for still others it will mean devoting every waking hour to advancing my career. All of them are different expressions of living to do what I want and to serve myself.

When we worship at the altar of personal freedom, the purpose of my life becomes doing what I want without any regard to anyone else. Therefore, relationships with others become barriers to me really making the most of life, so I avoid committing to others in any meaningful way. When we apply this to singleness, it means that my singleness essentially boils down to a single person - me. I am here to serve me. Other people are just a nusciance that get in the way of me. Therefore, marriage becomes the end of real life, of really living, because then I'll have to start thinking about someone else and serve others besides myself.

This is a way to waste your singleness. It is a denial, not only of what our singleness is for, but also of what we're for. The whole duty and calling of every human being is to love God with heart, mind, soul and strength (Deuteronomy 6:5; Matthew 22:37). An unwasted life is a life that is lived in a fiercely loyal love to God. This is our calling and duty whether we're old or young, married or unmarried, whatever nation, people group or background we come from: we must love God. However, when we let ourselves be shaped by the 'life ends' syndrome, this duty and calling is twisted to become: 'love myself with heart, mind, soul and strength.' This is blatant sin. The purpose of our singleness is not for us to be undividedly devoted to ourselves, but to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:35). It is a status in life that God has given to us so that we might bring Him glory by loving Him with all who we are, what we have, and what we do and think.

The way this love for God is expressed and worked out in daily life is in love for others. When Jesus summarises the law He says "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39). Jesus is not saying that these are two parallel commandments that somehow we have to keep in balance. No. Rather, the second is a practical expression of the first. Therefore, as an expression of my love for God I will love my neighbour. The way I love others is obviously going to take a different shape as a single person, than as a married person, but I am called to glorify God by loving others in sacrificial service nonetheless.

This means that my single life is not to be one where I live to please myself and therefore relationships are shallow and commitment to others is often avoided. Rather, my single life (whether I am only single for the next year, or for ninety years) is to be a life committed to glorifying God in the sacraficial service of others. Our single lives ought to be filled with deep and committed relationships, relationships where we are constantly seeking the eternal good of others. There are many ways in which singles can do this that married folk cannot, just as there are many opportunities for married people to live out this other-personed love that single people cannot.

We need to remember that this transformation is not something that we can do for ourselves. We cannot just roll up our sleeves and try to love God better. Our hearts are naturally sinful and curved in on ourselves. It is only the gospel of God's grace that can transform us. It is in the gospel that we see the ultimate lover of God and lover of others. Jesus, who never married, did not waste His life, rather He gladly laid down His life in sacrificial service of others to secure their eternal good (Philippians 2:6-11). It is to Him that we must look to be transformed into lovers of God, and therefore lovers of others.

Loneliness

Over at the Gospel Coalition Steve DeWitt has written a very helpful article on loneliness. Anyone who struggles with loneliness will tell you that it can be a very powerful emotion. Steve shows us how we can use our loneliness so that it does not become "an enemy or a scourge but a friend and a kind of helpful companion." Our loneliness reminds us of a powerful theological truth and can lead to deep assurance. You can read the full article by clicking here.

Play the Man: Thoughts on Biblical Manhood

Kevin DeYoung has written a very helpful post on biblical manhood. This is an area that Christian men need to grapple seriously with, because so often our picture of what it means to be a real man is shaped more by the culture around us than being shaped by Scripture. The manhood of Holywood is not the manhood of the Bible. DeYoungs article is a great place to start thinking about these issues. You can read it by clicking here.

Desperately seeking Superman

On Monday I met a stranger for coffee. He had been in touch because he knew it was my birthday, so we agreed to meet. Neither of us knew what to expect, after all, we didn't know one another.

I arrived at our agreed coffee shop, (If I was going to have an alien encounter I was going to do it round one of my favourite things, a kind of caffeine infused safety net). As I scanned the people an ageing man rose from is chair and called me over. I looked at the strange man, he looked familiar, like looking into a leathery mirror; "Hi dad", I said. He went to shake my hand but pulled me close, 'one hug in ten years wasn't gonna hurt' I thought...

We chatted about my life in London, what I was learning and about my hopes for the future, he seemed genuinely interested if not a little shell shocked that the spotty sixteen year old had moved on so much! I asked him about his life, not too much to tell, quite lonely I thought... But that's the path he chose a long time ago. After about 90 mins I began to wind things up, there was going to be no recriminations, no anger... not this time. I can't go on hating him I thought, those 90 mins were about an unspoken forgiveness (maybe one day I'll say it).

A very dear friend calls his dad 'superman'... I used to resent that, but now I love it! My dad isn't 'superman', he's not even 'sufficiently adequate man' and sometimes that's hard to come to terms with, but I'm slowly learning two very important lessons!

First, that God is the ultimate standard of Fatherhood. He loves his children with a passionate, unending, Calvary-saturated love. He is the father to the fatherless and the one who will in the end rejoice and sing over all his children (what a sound that will be)!

Secondly, I find that this experience kindles a desire in me that while I never had 'Superman' maybe one day, by God's grace, a child of my own will see the 'S' on my chest and I will have the privilege of pointing them to the one after whom all Fatherhood derives it's name!

Sustaining Marriages

Don Carson, Tim Keller and John Piper, three men with a combined 116 years experience of marriage, discuss what they've learnt about sustaining their marriages from God's Word, the teaching of others and their own experience.

One Great Lesson

When asked in an interview recently as to what was one of the greatest lessons that he has learned, Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, said these words:

I think the one great lesson the Lord has taught me over these years is that the importance of the family and the local congregation supersedes every other [human] relationship to which the Christian is called. Christians demonstrate the glory of God and the power of the gospel by the way we marry and stay married, by the way we raise our children, by the way we love each other, and by the way we live faithfully in the congregation of believers. In the end, I fear that far too much energy is devoted to and far too many hopes are invested in institutions, programs, and projects that will not last. The centrality of Christ’s purpose to glorify himself in His church and the blessings of God that are directed to the precious gift of the family — these far exceed our other allegiances.

Contented With Singleness

Contentment in Christ does not come without a battle. This means that, if we are single, we need to fight for contentment in being a single man or woman. One of the greatest helps that I have had in this fight for contentment as a single man has been the encouragement of those who've been fighting this battle for many more years than I have. Older brothers and sisters in Christ, who have been life-long singles, and who have used their singleness to the glory of God in the service of the gospel, have provided invaluable help in this fight.

Recently I came across a seminar given a while ago by two of the people who have personally been a huge encouragement to me in this way. Jonathan Fletcher and Jane Leggett gave a seminar entitled Contented with Singleness at St. Andrew the Great church in Cambridge. Jonathan serves as the vicar of Emmanuel Church, Wimbledon and Jane serves as the women's worker there. Both of them have been lifelong singles, and are a great example of using singleness to serve the work of the gospel. I thank God for their lives and ministries, and for the opportunity to have served with them on the staff team of Emmanuel for two years.

May I commend this seminar to you, especially if you are a single man or woman, and encourage you to take the time to listen to this. It is saturated with the Bible, greatly realistic, and both challenging and encouraging. It will be a great help in the battle for contentment, and a spur to use your singleness to honour Jesus and serve His people. You can listen by clicking here.

Being a Single Pastor

Over at the Gospel Coalition Steve DeWitt has written a very helpful article on the blessings and battles of being a single pastor. He is writing in a context where the overwhelming majority of churches lean towards having a married pastor and to be a single pastor of a church can be viewed as being odd or abnormal. DeWitt has this to say about the benefits of being a single pastor:

But we must...recognize that a pastor’s singleness is equally valuable in different ways [to a married pastor]. Speaking from experience, singleness has its own anvil on which God shapes character and pastoral gravitas. In addition, single pastors have some tremendous gifts to share with their congregations. When I speak of my loneliness, how many hearts leap with hope identifying with my trial? When my voice quivers as I describe life lived with unmet and unfulfilled expectations, what heart can’t hear the echo? A normal red-blooded, sexual, single, Christian man battling all the normal desires yet pursing contentment in Christ is a living sermon that Jesus alone is sufficient. These strengths, combined with the greater energy and time that single pastors can pour into their churches, should lead us to conclude that singleness ought not be viewed as a negative. If Paul was serving on the search committee, I think he’d argue for it as a positive.

You can read his whole article by clicking here.

How Can We Safeguard Our Marriages?

Battles Singles Face (Part 3): Perceptions and Expectations of Others

After a bit of a break we come to part three of our 'Battles Singles Face' series. In our last post we looked at how the gospel is the answer to the issue of loneliness. Now we come to a second battle that single men and women face: the perceptions and expectations of other people. How ought we to apply the gospel in this battle?

Very often one of the hardest challenges of being single is dealing with what others expect from us, or how they view us. The older we get the harder this can become. Family members and friends can send questions our way enquiring as to whether we have thought about "settling down" and getting married? Well meaning inquirers can ask whether we have "found someone" yet? Underlying these questions is the assumption that marriage is the norm and anything outside that is somewhat abnormal. Others can expect that we will get married, and begin to ask questions about whether all is well with us if we're not moving in that direction.

We then grow concerned about what others think of us, are they beginning to wonder whether there is something wrong with us? Are people questioning my social abilities or sexual orientation because I'm still single? Many families have that uncle or aunt who has never married, and about whom there is the unspoken questions about whether they're a bit different to the rest of the family. Will we be seen as that slightly odd aunt or uncle in our family in years to come?

So how does the gospel provide the answer to such battles? There are two things that we need to remember and hold fast to:

1) Remember that Your Identity is Found in Christ
As a Christian our identity is not defined by our marital status, it is defined by Jesus. If we are a Christian then we are in Christ, united to him by faith. It is this relationship that gives us our true identity.

Knowing Christ is all-sufficient. If we have Him we have everything. We do not need to look to another relationship for acceptance, we have ultimate acceptance in Him. Paul says: "For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith" (Philippians 3:8-9). Paul counts all things as a load of rubbish compared to knowing Christ. Why? Because it is only by being found in Christ (that is, being united to Him by faith) that he has righteousness. In Christ he is counted as righteous before God. In Christ he has a righteousness that is not his own, he has Christ's righteousness counted to him simply by trusting Jesus. This means that he stands fully accepted before God. His sin has been counted to Jesus, and its punishment has been bourne by Jesus on the cross; Christ's perfect record has been counted to him, and he now stands before God fully accepted, not fearing any condemnation.

If we are those who have laid hold of Jesus by faith the same is true of us. We too are counted righteous in Christ. We have a new identity. No longer are we those who are "childeren of wrath" (Ephesians 2:3), under the just anger of God. We are now counted as His children, fully accepted in His sight, because of the perfect righteousness of Jesus counted to us through faith, and posessing every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3). What more could we possibly wish for?

Therefore, when we find ourselves beginning to grow concerned about what others may think of us, let us preach the gospel of justification by faith to ourselves again. Our identity is found in Christ, this is an identity which shall never change, and can never be taken from us. Remember the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, of being found in Him, with His righteousness counted to us.

2) Remember to Fear God Not Man
Fearing others does not necessarily mean that we cower in terror before other people. When we grow concerned about what others think and seek their acceptance, this is the fear of man. When we worry that others will think bady of us or will reject us, this is the fear of man. When we do this, we allow the perceptions and expectations of others to control us. We become enslaved to them, and they become our masters insead of Jesus. We allow other people to hold more authority over us than God does, in a sense they become our gods in the place of God.

When this happens we find ourselves continually anxious about whether we're living up to the expectations of others, and fearful of the consequences if we don't. We find our whole lives shaped around trying to live up to their expectations and shape ourselves into what we think will please them.

The Bible's solution to this fear of others is to nurture a healthy fear of God. Indeed, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:17), a wise life is one that is founded on the fear of God, not one that is enslaved by the fear of others. Jesus gives us this strategy in Luke 12. He says: "do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: Fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!" (Luke 12:4-5). The worst people can do to us is kill us, yet ultimately God alone has power over life and death. He can cast into hell, and he has the power to sustain us (verses 6-7), if we belong to Jesus then this power is working for us. Fearing man instead of God, when seen in this light, is foolish and groundless. Therefore, if we want to escape the enslaving fear of people, we need to develop a healthy fear of God.

Therefore, when the fear of man begins the battle to control us, let us fix our eyes on the majesty of our God. Spend some time chewing over those passages of Scripture that help us to have a bigger picture of god. Let us not have a puny God (which is no God at all), rather let us spend time marvelling at the unparalleled majesty of the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.


Previous Posts in This Series

• Part 1: Introduction
• Part 2: Loneliness

Article: Singleness with Purpose

Over at the Gospel Coalition blog Brooks Waldron has written an excellent little article on singleness, focussing especially on the purpose of singleness. It is a great supplement to our current series on battles singles face (part three is coming soon - apologies for the delay!). This is well worth taking the time to read whether you're single or married. It will greatly help us in our thinking about how the single person can magnify Christ in a way that married people cannot, and is a great spur to live out Christ-exalting single lives. Here's how Brooks starts off:

How many times have you heard someone say, “He’s such a great guy, how is he still single?” Or, “She’s such a catch. When will she get married off?” The implication behind such questions is that great men and women get married, and those who are not great do not. For many, being single imprints upon them a meaning that touches their very identities: They are defective, second-rate, somehow less than others who marry. In response to this message, Scripture teaches that single Christians are not defined by their singleness, but by their union with Jesus Christ. Singleness, like marriage, is a God-given calling, not an identity. The calling of singleness does not stamp upon the single person an identity any different from a married person. It does, however, imprint a meaning. That meaning communicates a message not about the single person, though, but about God himself. Uncovering the meaning that God ascribes to singleness, singles will experience greater joy in their calling, and those who minister to them will be better prepared to encourage them to live that calling out.

You can read the whole article by clicking here.

Battles Singles Face (Part 2): Loneliness

As a single person returning home to an empty house or flat can be a painful thing. Seeing close friends meet someone, marry and have a family can be a difficult experience. Whilst we do rejoice with them, there is also the sharp reminder of our single state and the feeling of being alone can sweep over us.

We come to the first of the battles that single men and women face: Loneliness.

In the first part of this series we saw that singleness, as with marriage, is a good gift from God.  It is not a problem that needs to be solved by getting married. Rather, it is a position in life that comes with battles, just as those who are married will face battles of a different kind. If we look to marriage as the answer to the problems that come with singleness we end up turning marriage into an idol. Instead we must see the gospel as the answer to the issues that being single throws at us.

So how does the gospel address this often overwhelming issue of loneliness? I want to suggest that there is two ways that the gospel gives us all we need as we grapple with loneliness. If we are those who belong to Christ, then there are two glorious truths that sustain us in this battle.

1) In Christ we have One who will never leave us or forsake us
This truth is precious beyond measure. Hebrews 13:5 calls for contentment (in this context it is referring to the area of money, but the principle can also be applied more generally) and the ground the author gives for such contentment is God's promise that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (quoted from Joshua 1:5). If we are in Christ we have One who will never leave us or forsake us. We have a relationship that is more secure than the strongest marriage. Nothing, not even death can undo this relationship. As Paul puts it,

"Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39)

In Christ we have a relationship closer and more secure than the best human relationship. Even if those closest to us forsake us, He will not (Psalm 27:10).

Therefore, don't wallow in your loneliness, or start chasing after someone to marry to try and alleviate the pain of feeling alone. Instead, flee to Christ. As you battle with loneliness, seek to grow to know and love Him more and more. Seek to enjoy deeper communion with Him through listening to His voice in Scripture and coming before Him in prayer. He alone can satisfy.

2) In Christ we have a family that is closer than any other
Of the great joys of belonging to Jesus is that we also belong to His people. As Christians, God has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus' work on the cross. Part of the blessing of this peace that we now have with God is peace with all those who belong to Jesus. We have been brought into one new people of God (See Ephesians 2:11-22). We are part of one body in Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-26).

This means that as a Christian we have a family whose bonds go deeper than the bonds we have with any blood-relatives. As Christians we are not alone. We are part of a family, the church. We have many brothers and sisters in Christ to support and encourage us, and to be a support and encouragement to. As Christians we need one another if we are to keep going in the Christian life. The local church is a vital part of living the Christian life.

Therefore, as singles, let us not neglect the family God has given us. Part of the way we battle against loneliness is to look to the brothers and sisters in Christ that God has given us. Instead of becoming discontent with our single state, thank God for the family that He has given us in Christ. We need not be lonely if we are stuck into a local church of genuine brothers and sisters in Christ. Get stuck into a local church, begin to serve and seek the good of your family in Christ, and in turn be served by them. As we do this we will find that loneliness will become less and less of an issue for us.

So, marriage is not the answer to loneliness. The gospel is. Therefore, when the pain of loneliness overwhelms us let us remind ourselves of the gospel. Let us remind oursleves that in Christ we have one who will never leave us or forsake us, therefore run to Him, seek to know Him more. Let us remember that in Christ we have a family that is closer than any human family, therefore seek to serve your brothers and sisters in Christ in the local church and in turn be served by them.



Previous Posts in This Series

• Part 1: Introduction

Battles Singles Face (Part 1): Introduction

If you walk into the average Christian bookshop you will have no problem finding a book on marriage, parenting, family or relationships. However, you'll find it a lot harder to find a book about singleness (and if you do find one, the chances are that it will be focussed on helping the reader move from being single to being married).

It is indeed right that there should be many volumes dealing with the Bible's teaching on marriage, and helping people to have God-glorifying marriages. Marriage is a good gift of God, and it is intended to be a visual aid of Christ's relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:22-33), therefore displaying the glory of the gospel. Marriage is a wonderful thing, instituted by God, and it is right that we should want to guard both the instituition of marriage and individual marriages. The glory of God is at stake in this.

However, when we come to the issue of singleness (i.e. those who are not married), not everyone has such a positive view. For many singleness is a problem that is solved by getting married. It might be ok to be single for the first twenty or thirty years of  one's life, but after that it becomes a problem which needs to be solved by marriage. However, this is not the Bible's view.

Scripture sees singleness as a gift from God, just as marriage is a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul addresses both singleness and marriage. He says: "...each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." (1 Cor 7:7). That is, some have the gift of marriage (i.e. they are married), and others have the gift of singleness (i.e. they are single). When he talks about singleness as a gift he is not talking about a special feeling that means someone has no desire for marriage. He is talking about a persons position in life. Verses 17-24 show this. Right in the middle of his section on singleness and marriage he has a section where he calls people to "...remain in the condition in which he was called." (7:20).

This means that if we are not married we have the gift of singleness. This may change, God may one day give us the gift of marriage. But until then we have the gift of singleness, and are called to be content with our position in life, to praise God for His gift of singleness and seek to glorify Him in our singleness.

When we understand this it shapes how we think about singleness. It is not a problem. Rather, it is a position in life that may have problems (because we live in a fallen world), just as those who are married may face certain problems. Married couples face unique battles as they seek to live out the married life in a fallen world; so also single people face battles as they seek to do the same.

If you are single (or ministering to a single person) it is important that we realise that the answer to the battles that we face is not marriage (as great a gift as marriage is). Marriage will not solve the problems that come with singleness, it will just give you a whole set of new ones! If we are looking to marriage to solve our problems as singles, then we are making an idol out of marriage and we need to repent of this. The gospel is the answer to the issues that come with singleness, just as it is the solution to the battles that married folk grapple with. We must be looking to Christ as we wrestle with the issues that singleness throws at us.

Over the next while, in a series of posts,  I want to take a number of the most common battles that single men and women face and apply the gospel to them, showing how the gospel is where we must look to as we seek to address these issues. First up, in the next post, we shall look at the issue of lonliness.

Your Daughters Hand in Marriage

On 28th June 1810 Adoniram Judson presented himself for missionary service in the East. He would go on to be a missionary to the unreached people of Burma (known as Myanmar today). The very same day he met Ann Hasseltine and fell in love. One month later he wrote to her father, asking for his daughters hand in marriage, this is what he said:

I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left is heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteous, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?

Amazingly, her father consented and said that Ann could make up her own mind. Ann accepted his proposal, being extremely willing to give up all home comforts and go with Adoniram, as his wife, to spend her days in costly sacrifice for the sake of seeing Burmese knees bow before the Lord Jesus.

Both Adoniram and Ann had their priorities shaped by the gospel and recognised that the advance of the gospel would not come without costly sacrifice for Christ's people. Therefore they were willing to sacrifice all comforts to sail to the then extremely dangerous land of Burma to proclaim Christ, that Christ might be glorified in men and women coming to have life in Him. Would that our priorities were so shaped by the gospel that we are willing to sacrifice all for the sake of Christ being magnified as more and more bow before Him in worship. If the glory of Christ is our supreme concern, then everything else must come subordinate to this and serve this end. The more we have Christ being magnified as the priority that drives everything else, then the more contentment we shall have in any and every situation, and the less we'll be concerned about our interests - our comfort, our reputation, our 'rights' etc. The more we recognise the surpassing worth of the Lord Jesus, then the more we shall be willing to pour ourselves out in sacrificing ourselves for the eternal good of others.

Quote taken from: Courtney Anderson, 'To The Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson'.